1. |
Jelly Jelly Jelly
02:05
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Flyin' in my geo to the bank
My head out the window, singin "Take me back, Cindy"
(It was only a footjob)
Gonna get me a loan for an above-ground pool
so I can win back my Cindy
(It was over the corduroys)
I took exit 59 to Honey double ds
Stole me a cruller, took a munch and a crunch
drip drip drip drip drip drip drip
I saw my lunch on my bunch
"Hey baby...where did you come from?"
Jelly Jelly Jelly
Jelly Jelly Jelly
Jelly Jelly Jelly
Jelly Jelly Jelly
I pull into the handicapped spot at the bank
I catch my reflection
(He's covered in jelly)
Oh I'm lookin' so good I almost hit 3 inches
I almost hit 3 inches!
(He's still covered in jelly)
So I'm sittin'with the banksman, lookin' so good
with the jelly on my Izod, all the cruller blood and red cud
He gives me the loan because I got all that jelly
Gonna get me the pool that even Rob doesn't have
(Cindy's new boyfriend)
ALL BECAUSE OF
Jelly Jelly Jelly
Jelly Jelly Jelly
Jelly Jelly Jelly
Jelly Jelly Jelly
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2. |
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100 miles on the freeway
Got 50 more to go
Cruisin’ through Pennsylvania
There’s an Olive Garden in Allentown
Man, I was sucking on
Farfelle, fusili, spaghetti, and ziti
And that’s when it hit me
I’m gonna have a baby
And I’ll be damned if the first city this little critter sees is
Pennsylvania or New Jersey, so I’m
Holdin’ this baby in
Til I see the lights of Albany
I’m having a baby boy
I can’t wait to tell Cindy
I’m holdin’ this baby in
Til I see the lights of the greatest city
Cause I want my boy to be just like his daddy
That’s why I’m holdin’ him in til Albany
So I’m holdin’ this baby in
Til I see the lights of the greatest city
Cause I want my boy to be just like his daddy
That’s why I’m holdin’ him in til Albany
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3. |
Wet Dream (about Winnie)
02:11
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Beef: Hey daddy
I know we haven’t talked in a while
On account of what I did on your lawn
Rob: That’s ok, son
Beef: But daddy, I need to talk
Something happened back in May
I’m really eatin’ myself out about it
And I need you to say
That it’s ok
Rob: Ok son, tell me today
B: So I had a wet dream
About Winnie the Pooh
Is that ok?
Is that ok?
So I had a wet dream about Winnie the Pooh
Tigger was there, and piglet too
And Chris Robin had a flip cam
R: OH DAMN!
B: Oh daddy, I know I told you a lot
I was expecting some wisdom back
R: It’s just thought you were calling to apologize for what you did on my lawn, and this is the total opposite of that
B: Well I need you to say
That it’s ok
R: I don’t think I can say
That to you today
B: So I had a wet dream
R: I know
B: About Winnie the Pooh
R: You told me that
B: Kanga was there
R: WHERE WAS ROO?
B: My hands in Winnie’s hair
R: Isn’t Winnie bald?
B: Listen up, cause Eyore got involved
And Rabbit was my wingman
R: OH COME ON, MAN
B: Chris Robin had a Go-Pro
R: How does Chris Robin have so much access to recording equipment?
B: Chris Robin works at Best Buy
R: Oh why?
B: He applied
R: Smart guy
B: And Rabbit let us use his hot tub
R: Ohhhhhhhh, Best Buy
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4. |
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Get in the pool, you’re killin my buzz
Put on these trunks, grab a root beer
I’m not gonna have the house for much longer
So pull down these trunks, grab a root beer
In a couple of weeks, I’ll be staying with Mark
But for now I got the house, grab a root beer
When you get it in your veins you get the full 3-inch throb
So shallow dive, grab a root beer
I got the best pool in town
It’s gonna WIN ME BACK MY CINDY
Seriously guys, come over at noon
It’s getting foreclosed, grab a root beer
My son took off, he’s been hangin with Paul
Suck on my trunks, grab a root beer
I need help getting a dog bed off the pool floor
He’s afraid of the deep end, grab a root beer
Soon my koosh hoops will belong to the state
He made some best investments in Peter Pan Buses
Cause in a week it’s gonna be
Mark’s House, Mark’s Rules
I’ll be following
Mark’s House, Mark’s Rules
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5. |
How Do You Swim?
00:54
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How do you swim?
How do you swim?
I need to know, girl
How do you swim?
How do you swim?
How do you swim?
It’s not a metaphor
How do you swim?
I need to know
How do you swim?
I really need to know
How do you swim?
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6. |
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My puffin stole my coffee, now I got a puffy cup
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7. |
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Listen up, boys, I got a story about sizzler
And a hostess named Barb who really punch me in the taint
I asked myself, “Do they have Sizzlers in heaven?”
She was the hottest girl I’ve seen, man, she was a seven
Barb looked at me and she said, “Table for how many?”
I looked at her and lied, and I said, “Baby, I’m Jeb Bush”
Barb blushed in her cheeks that were 58 years young
I said, “Let’s go to the meat fridge, and we’ll introduce our tongues”
Pace yourself boys, don’t smooch with a 7
Can’t put the Mazda in reverse
With no ‘chute it’s a far fall from heaven
When you have to go
Back with the catfish
You know we went back to La Quinta
Her rosacea was shining so bright
I kissed her only eyebrow
Her piggy nose was in my sight
Dad, I swear the light was shining
She looked just like Rudy Guliani
We got so hungry listening to Hootie
We had to go back for more rangoons, and now I’m
Back with the catfish
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8. |
Asbestos Psychosis
02:54
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Beef and his dad Rob have been sleeping on a bed of asbestos and neither was in a mentally stable state of mind when they recorded this track. Please ignore the accusations made against Beef's neighbors on this song.
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9. |
I Wanna Love You
00:11
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You know what? I wanna love you
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10. |
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I threw up from the crabs down by the pier with my good friend Matthew Bright
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11. |
Frenchin' the Bat
02:43
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Oh, Cindy’s back in my arms tonight
But it don’t feel quite right
She goes in for the smooch, and I got pain in my gooch
Cause I can’t stop thinkin’ bout September
I was out in my ‘way, topless, playin’ the koosh hoops
I was doin’ so good, hit a four-pointer
And so I ran inside to tell my boy on the porch
Then a fuzzy mistress ran into my fat face
She was a squeaker with furry wings
Chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp baby that means I want you
That’s when I was frenchin’ the bat
That’s when I was frenchin’ the bat
Frenchin’ the bat
I was outside frenchin’ the bat
With everything
You never know when a bat’s gonna come out of the dark
And into your life, and mess up things with Cindy
Cindy’s bein’ a nag, “Get your rabies shots”
How could my baby give me rabies?
Says she won’t kiss me til I get my shots
Well good I don’t want your lady kisses, I want bat smooches
From my screecher out on the porch, oh yea
I miss your fucked-up little teeth, and your ugly-ass eyes
Your waxy tummy and your spooky thighs
Cindy baby, get out of my bed
I only got room for one in my head: an evening bat
Frenchin’ the bat
I miss your fucked-up little teeth, and your ugly eyes
Your waxy tummy and your spooky thighs
Cindy baby, I know you want me out of your bed
“That’s ok,” I said
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12. |
I'm No D.D.
01:42
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My whole life people want me to be
Something I’m not, and they just can’t see
That I’m not your guy, I’m not the one for that job
No I’ve never been that, so don’t even ask because
I’m no DD
I’m no DD
I’m no DD
I’m no DD
I’m no DD
I’m no DD
I’m no DD
I’m no DD
I’m no DD
I’m no DD
I’m no DD
I’m no DD
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13. |
Sheltie World
04:17
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When I die
I’m goin to Sheltie World
That’s where you’ll find me
Dancin’ with the mini collies
A world of shelties
I’ll be the only big man
It’ll be tough at first but they’ll respect me
For the damage I can do at Sizzler (two steaks)
I’ve been a good man
I’ve never hurt a beagle’s feelings
I’m gonna have 24 sheltie wives
Who have wings and carry me around
When I die
I’m takin’ the chair lift up to Sheltie World
I’m gonna climb Sheltie Mountain
To meet Keith, the Grand Sheltie
So big you’d think he’s a collie
You Tah, do the Sheltie Shuffle
You Tah, do the Sheltie Shuffle
Get down like a tiny collie freak
Put wigs all over your body
Kick your dumb legs up and down
Now you’re at a Sheltie Party
I thought me and Keith were cool
After the Sheltie Party
Smokin’ that Purina shit
And eatin’ those Italian Ices
So I used his brush
To brush my hair
And that’s when everything went to shit
THAT’S WHEN EVERYTHING WENT TO SHIT
I broke high Sheltie Law
I broke high Sheltie Law
I broke high Sheltie Law
YOU NEVER USE ANOTHER SHELTIE’S BRUSH
Especially Grand Keith’s
Which means I’m gonna get banished
Off to Corgi Quarry
Off to Corgi Quarry
Corgi Quarry
That’s where you’ll find me
Cryin’ among the chode dogs
Corgi Quarry
Is where the bad ones go
To think about what they’ve done
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14. |
I Lost My Gun...
01:24
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Thanks to my bud Billy Joel for appearing on this track
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Beef Hutchins Albany, New York
Albany born and raised Beef Hutchins and his band have been living and recording together since 1988. Cindy, featuring the single Frenchin the Bat, is their sophomore album attempt.
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